What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fuck appropriateness.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What a dumb baby whore.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
