He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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