He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
