Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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