I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
