Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
PANTIES FOUND
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