fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
