She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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