My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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