Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
