quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I did not marry a roomba.
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