take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
