I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
