yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
