ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
