Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
