u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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