shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
