I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
