It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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