you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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