forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
