she looked like the before picture.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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