I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
