I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
