The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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