You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and she was petting her beer can
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
