I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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