She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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