How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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