Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
