also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
we're so committed to being not committed
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