Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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