Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is Oprah even human
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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