if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
