you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
