I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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