My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
