is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
