You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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