and she was petting her beer can
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
