Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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