How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my liver is dry heaving
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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