well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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