I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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