Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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