Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
