I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
