When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
