It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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