in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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