I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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