Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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