he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
