my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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