Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Green mimosas i think yes
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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