fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
