Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
