Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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