dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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