So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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