My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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