I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Randomize
