id be glad to
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
