so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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