Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
This is not my ceiling
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
