so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
